Never Easy, But Totally Worth It!

Been almost a year since I last scribbled something in this space. Then, I was midway through my journey. A wild, exhilarating and exhausting journey. The last couple of years of my life have been eventful to say the least, with the last year in particular being nothing less than a roller-coaster ride. Trouble, wobble, stumble, topple and what not!. But today, I've got to the other side. Mission accomplished, objective achieved and have had a good night's sleep.

Every person has their own battles to fight. Every scar has a story to tell. And our scars, shout out loud that we survived! Every single one of my colleagues who are right now enjoying a vacation of a lifetime, have worked like a Trojan to get stuff done to fill up those few columns in the residency application. If someone had problems getting done with exams on time, someone else had a problem getting some externship experience. Research and publications were of course a jackpot! But somehow everyone knew how to console and motivate others though they themselves were in deep shit. Investing all our(and our family's) time, energy, hope, money, patience, prayers and everything we had into this one project was no kid's play. Hitchhiking all over the United States, camping at friends of friends of friend's place was not exactly what we had planned for our 20s. Mentally converting dollars to rupees every time we swiped our (dad's) credit card was no pleasure. Skipping weddings, being invisible on facebook was not our idea of a social life sure. But we had to, coz we dreaded the question, 'So,what are you doing nowadays?'! Be it July 4th or Thanksgiving or Christmas, state of mind was statusquo, if not worse. Having faith and going about our business as effectively as we could was the only option we had. We were like zombies! Miserable zombies who had to paradoxically look happy, excited and confident at interviews. No wonder we get enough material to write up 'personal statement' for our applications!!

About me, thanks to circumstances ( pun intended), I was trying to fit in someplace else a couple of years ago. The biggest mistake of my life. Thankfully, destiny was generous enough to give me a second chance. To ponder upon what I want from life and to do something about it. I took a U turn, took the other road and started over. Weirdly confident that I would succeed, though blissfully ignorant. That may as well be considered the Eureka moment of my life. Change began instantly. People who were holding me down got out of my life. Folks on the same migration became buddies. Family, as always, believed in me even when I myself didn't. True friends tolerated my drama, even though they did not really get what my expedition was. A fresh start, a new abode, nerd by the week, party-hearty by weekends, life sailed on.

Just when I jumped a hurdle and partied at Vegas, exams and work rained like hailstones. There was neither a choice nor an easy way out. By the time I could figure out what component of my application I need to work on, it was almost time to start the next one. E-mails were sent out in hundreds and replies were nearly none. No night was an exception for insomnia and all of them effectively spent stalking forums. Deadlines were super tight. Exams, publications and application procedure happening at the same time made me a pro at multi-tasking. As though these and a few more things were not breathing down my neck enough, I had acquaintances give me free advice of giving myself another year to apply. Or to look for alternate options back home in India! Ah, I feel so euphoric now having proved them wrong. :)

Of course there was a positive side too. The interview trail gave me a chance to explore New York City all by myself. And without a smart phone! Freedom, fun and frolic, kindled the spunky side of me. I did happen to make awesome friends too. Mates who made laughing, shopping, gossipping, partying and flirting possible. Seniors who were kind, generous and awesome enough to help even though I was just a little better than a stranger. A girl who left her apartment on me for 3 weeks though she had met me just a day ago! Amazing mentors who I would be grateful to forever. The gang at Utah who made me feel so much at home. Found my best therapist in a amazing being with fur and four legs, our Labrador. Good people and good times!

Every story has a happy ending. All the hardship that was put up with, all that backbreaking work turned totally worth it when on the 17th of March 2014, the happiest day of my life, that one e-mail said "Congratulations, you've matched!". It was ecstatic to see friends bombard facebook news feed with the seven letter magic word 'Matched'! The letters MD were to get attached to our names! 21st of March made it all the more better, when we got to know where we were headed to. Dreams came true, and they came true huge! Really huge! Like, I-couldn't-have-asked-for-more huge!!

Today, this moment, life is exactly the way I like it. love it. I am who I wanted to be. Nobody putting me down or telling me that I'm not good enough. Nobody convincing me to settle for less. Oh yeah, and nobody living like a parasite on me. My identity and self-esteem are safe and sound. Proud parents, a sister who looks up to me, friends who I'm having a wonderful time with, a vacation to enjoy the finer things life has to offer - picture perfect!. And to add to it, I just turned an Aunt to super cute twins! Well, who knows what else is in store. For when life seems perfect, it may even get better. And as always, aankhon mein sapne, aaj bhi hain.

Cheers,

Chandana Shekar